Recreation versus Perspiration: An Epiphany

For years now, I have been hearing rumors about this suspicious E-word. How it makes you all tingly and relaxed. How it's the perfect stress-reliever after an intense work week. How it makes you feel happy and healthy and sexy. But I'd never actually experienced endorphins for myself until I became unemployed. I guess you could say I've always been an endorphins orphan.

I'm well-acquainted with natural highs, including those associated with shopping, chocolate, or a great conversation with a girlfriend. But I have always been nothing but suspicious of those glowing gym girls who would stroll out all gazelle-like with their yoga mats and their tube tops, raving about how "invigorated" they felt. Exercise either made me grumpy, gaspy and red-faced, or simply nonplussed.

Then I started doing the Jillian Michaels "Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism" workout on OnDemand, and lo and behold my E-phinany came. The age-old adage "no pain, no gain" was exactly applicable to my situation. I never experienced the swooping zen sensation of endorphins because I never sweat hard enough to warrant the payoff. And I didn't realize how much I was shortchanging myself, not just physically, but mentally as well.

Once you really start to push yourself in your workout, all the stress of the day finally, blessedly recedes to the back of your mind. I really genuinely did not know this, and I am 27 years old. I've been contenting myself with latte-slurping Greenlake power walks in the name of "exercise," not realizing sweet blessed mental obliteration could be mine with just a good solid kickboxing combo. And as all unemployed people know, any relief from the endless hamster wheel of anxiety and doubt and "what-ifs" is purely incredible, a drink of sweet nirvana water.

Unlike with Greenlake power walking or my other token forms of exercise, the Jillian Michaels workout pushes me into a sweat that is pure sanctuary, a hollowed out place where this is no craigslist ads or mounting bills or endless hours staring in the dark. I am not thinking about anything, or anyone but the sound and movement of my own body, of my pumping heart and gasping breath, working against my own best time. And when I go into that cobra pose at the end of that killer workout, I am calm, cool, and chalkfull of endorphins. At this point in my life, there is no better gift. Thanks, sweat.

Discovered-On Demand Workouts

A litegeister by any other name may easily be called a sloth, a slug, a lazy bohemian. All true, I freely admit. That said, I am making a valiant effort to stay in shape this season, which is why I've discovered a genius workout alternative for those litegeisters like myself-too lazy to even drag themselves to their 5 minutes-away gym. While flipping through the channels, I discovered a revelation: a trove of fitness workouts available on On Demand.

I know what you're thinking. On Demand? The cesspool "free movie" abyss where they the banish the likes of Mighty Ducks 3 and The Lakehouse? Yes indeed! On Demand is in fact a hidden source of loads of fun, funky and best of all, free workouts for the lazy bohemian set. Just go to "Sports and Fitness" and then filter to "Exercise TV." Viola, exercise segments galore!  So what are you waiting for litegeisters? It's time to lay on the floor and plank like no one's looking (because luckily, unlike your local gym, they aren't!) 

So far I have been focusing on ab workouts, since I am a bit more  blessed than I'd like to be in the belly region:) I am not one of those people that gains wait all over. I have always said I have a "chihauhau" body type. At a petite five one, my arms and legs stays skinny while my stomach bulges out like a balloon the second I eat a delicious Alki Bakery chocolate chip cookie. But since this is a POSITIVITY blog, I will take a moment to point out how cute chihauhaus, with their plump warm bellies, actually are. Awww....

Anyway, so far I have sampled two delightful On-Demand workouts. The first was "Rock Solid Abs" with Kendall Hogan (a porn star name if I've ever heard one). But I suppose that's what I get for clicking on the "Sexy for Summer" section which included such gems as "Baywatch Abs" (ab workouts with a side of Hepatitis C, maybe?), Chair Dance, Bootylicious Buns, and more. Anyway, Kendall turned out to be a kindly black man who offered his abs instruction with just the right dose of tough love. This workout requires more equipment, including hand weights and medicinal balls. This is a quick ten-minute ab blaster, but I have to say I definitely worked hard. It was a nice satisfying workout that was just hard enough, and had enough variety that I learned a few new moves. If you want a quick ab-tightener in the morning or before you go out on a date, I'd totally recommend "Rock Solid Abs" for a quick blast to your belly.

The second one I did was "Incredible Abs" with Cindy Whitmarsh. Cindy was a perky blonde whose abs definitely lived up to the hype. In true perky fashion, we dove right in to the exercises, this time in a standing position. I enjoyed this workout as I don't think it contained one conventional crunch or sit-up, and instead mixed it up with a ton of oblique work, plank variations, and standing exercises. For someone who is most likely in for a lifetime of ab workouts, I appreciated how this exercise routine mixed it up. Another bonus was that Cindy, a skillful instructor, varied the movements so you never worked one ab muscle group for too unbearably long like some teachers do. The plank finale at the end is a killer, but overall this segment is completely doable and a nice comprehensive ab workout. 

I have stuck to stummy exercises so far but am revving up for a Carmen Elektra striptease or 70's Temptation Walk (what is this?) next week, so stay tuned. For a guaranteed laugh, check out the "80's Roger Rabbit" in the "Get up and Dance" section. Oh man. I am laughing just typing the words "Roger Rabbit." Bonus ab workout, hahahah. Ok, I can't breathe. Litegeister, out.